I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
