she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Is it because I queefed?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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