It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
