I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
