what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
