Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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