You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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