I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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