you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
