There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
