Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
