Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
