The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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