He had one of those small greek statue penises
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
