a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
