i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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