I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
