Betty ford says i'm here all night
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
