All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
