Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
