Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
