3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
