i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
