i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
