She said her name was "party"
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
