so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
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I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
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Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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