So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
