I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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