I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
