I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i think i just lost a toe
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
