whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
