I'm pants shitting drunk right now
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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