I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
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At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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