we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
what is it with giant penises always finding me
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
