He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
