I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
