You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
