Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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