We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
