oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
