is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
