I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
