Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
