Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
