dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'd cum for enchiladas.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
