My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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