Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
