matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My bed smells like the plague
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
