The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
