it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
True strength comes from lack of pants
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
