dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
