I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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