There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My balls are so social today.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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