with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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