Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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