better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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