My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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