he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
