I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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