Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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