Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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