I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
