it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
