so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
They have beer where we have blood.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize