My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
