so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
