Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
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