yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
