Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
