I haven't been this sober since birth.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
