She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
